Last night, I was going through my Facebook notes and came across this note I wrote about 6 years ago. I could remember the feelings and the events that surrounded what I was thinking when I put these words down. The past 4 days I have had a really hard time coping with my overflow of emotions due to a conversation that was enlightening and disturbing at the same time. It was very necessary but jolting none the less. Normally I would have thrown this in the “to be continued” pile, but because of who I am right now to be continued was not an option. I was working on a thing about character, and I just couldn’t get the words to fit together properly. My heart was so heavy. I really tried not to cry because it wasn’t for joy but I soaked all 4 pillows on my bed, as I felt the emptiness.
I know there is something positive that will come out of this. I just decided to take joy in the fact that I was able to have that instead of thinking about the pain that is lingering. I have learned some very valuable lessons, the biggest on being save some for you. You will definitely need it.
I put my heart out there for you to see, in all it’s splendor. Shed my outside image, stripped down to the core for you to see the woman who is. The woman, not the facade here is my vulnerability, emotions, flaws, and weakness. Took away the make up, clothing, the false nails and painted toes to show you those imperfections that make me so perfect. Throw away all false pretenses and let you know I am still the woman that loves you for all that you are and are not. I let you see me , hoping you will let me see you. Through my tears and my laughter when I tell you I am here for you , it’s the truth no matter the mood.
I do this for you, so you can see the woman who loves you, the woman who needs you. I do this cause I love your smile, and all the things that people have told you don’t fit what the world thinks you should be. I do this cause I wanna give you what you deserve. I am not a perfect person and this not a perfect world but I need you and your imperfections in my life cause being with you makes all that is wrong seem alright for just a little while. I want you to know that when you cry, my heart cries to, can you see it? When you smile, it out shines the sun, and makes my world seem a little brighter. When you walk and it seems like the weight of the world is on your shoulders I want you to know I have shoulders too, you don’t have to do this alone.
I hope you can hear me, I hope that you feel me, I hope you can see me. I stripped down to the core for you and for you only, so you can see the heart that wants to hold you…Forever.